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Marie E
Chatty Knitter

USA
186 Posts

Posted - 08/04/2012 :  06:33:26 AM  Show Profile Send Marie E a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Our 35 year old son died in an auto accident in February. My DH and I are struggling through each day. Some days are worse than others. We can't bring ourselves to go to greif-council yet. Since, I've had pneumonia. DH had TIA. My 89 year old DM fractured her hip in May. She is home now and we are helping her get through each day.
I can't conscentate on patterns. Washcloths have saved me. All I can for now is knit washcloths that I use simple patterns-K1P1, K2P2, etc.
Thank God for watching over us and mindless knitting!!!! Pray for us.

Marie E NC

crafty1mjw@comcast.net
Seriously Hooked

USA
909 Posts

Posted - 08/04/2012 :  07:45:36 AM  Show Profile Send crafty1mjw@comcast.net a Private Message  Reply with Quote
My condolences go out to u & your family. I know you're going through bad times right now, but please know that you & yours r in our prayers.

craftymjw

Keep on knitting!
A balanced diet is a peanut butter cookie in each hand!
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llmcguire
Warming Up

USA
62 Posts

Posted - 08/04/2012 :  09:34:25 AM  Show Profile Send llmcguire a Private Message  Reply with Quote
{{{Hugs}}}
It seems you and your family have had a rather stressful year so far. Just know that you have knitter-friends here for you. Know, also, that the first year IS the hardest; it's the first August that he's not here; it's the first Olympics that he's not able to enjoy; and the like. It is not uncommon to feel sad during this time. If you find yourself having a hard time doing the things you want to do and need to do please talk to your PCP or your faith leader/pastor. With you taking care of DM, it's easy to overlook taking care of yourself. You are worthy of a 15 minute walk outside, alone to download, destress, get rid of all the yuckiness. Please don't forget about You. As a way to honor your son's memory and still seek the comfort that knitting brings, maybe a few washcloths in your son's favorite color to give to others in need. When your mind and heart grows stronger, maybe a few hats for to local hospital. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. {{{hugs}}}
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mjhealy
Warming Up

70 Posts

Posted - 08/04/2012 :  4:09:04 PM  Show Profile Send mjhealy a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Marie, dear, I'm so sorry for you and your family. Such a young death. I can barely imagine the grief. One of my friends lost her 16 year old son to cancer and she was able to say that after a year the pain lessened. Hang in there. Your husband and mother need you.

Glad you are able to knit. Good therapy. But I also agree with Lisa's advice (and she's an oncology nurse who is very smart...trust me) to take care of yourself and go outside for a walk. Even a ten minute walk helps.

I will put you in my prayers.

xxoo,
Martha
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eldergirl
Permanent Resident

USA
1804 Posts

Posted - 08/04/2012 :  9:29:35 PM  Show Profile Send eldergirl a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Dear Marie,
How very, very sorry I am that you lost your son. My prayers are with you and your family.

I went through losing my son (he was 43) to cancer a few years ago. I had the same inability to concentrate, and struggled to get through the days.

I can say that it gets better, but that doesn't help the "now" does it?

One day at a time,

Be good to yourself,

We are here for you. All of us. I went through the months of his dying with the KR Forums helping me every step of the way.

So If it helps, post here when you want, and we will continue to send our love and support.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}} and much sympathy and good wishes for your continued healing.

Anna



Life is beautiful.
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flicka
Seriously Hooked

879 Posts

Posted - 08/04/2012 :  9:55:50 PM  Show Profile Send flicka a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. Every loss takes a different toll, of course, but many of us on KR are "acquainted with grief". I hope we can be of consolation to you.

It may seem odd, but I can remember being "stilled" by sitting and looking at water -- a lake in my case. It really helped to calm me.

You are in my thoughts, dear lady.

flicka
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robinstephanie
Permanent Resident

USA
1257 Posts

Posted - 08/05/2012 :  12:09:11 AM  Show Profile Send robinstephanie a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Oh, Marie. How heartbreaking. Thirty-five. I am so sorry.

Prayers gone up, and more to come.


Robinsteph

Different is good. ~Matthew Hoover
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Luann
Permanent Resident

USA
2671 Posts

Posted - 08/05/2012 :  6:50:46 PM  Show Profile  Visit Luann's Homepage Send Luann a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Dear Marie, I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can say to ease the pain, but I can echo what others have said about finding solace and comfort here at the forums. When my brother died in 2004 this was a place I knew I could vent, cry, and find company without judgement.

I lost my dad many years ago now, but one thing I learned during that mourning process was that grief is an ocean. You can feel like you are drowning in it, or float above it for a while, or a wave might come over you and pull you down for a time, but eventually you will get to the shore.

Please take care of yourself and keep knitting those washcloths, and anything else that helps you get through.

Luann

Knit and let knit!
http://www.luannocracy.blogspot.com
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Marie E
Chatty Knitter

USA
186 Posts

Posted - 08/19/2012 :  5:47:38 PM  Show Profile Send Marie E a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts, prayers and hugs. At time we are completely overwelmed. Most of the time now I can keep it together at work. Your suggestions are helpful. Luann, your description of grief as an ocean is how we feel. Sometimes it just hits me out of the blue and I have no control. I just lose myself in the grief. I don't want to move forward. The world does not stop and let you come to terms with it.

Marie E NC
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Shalee
Permanent Resident

USA
2046 Posts

Posted - 08/19/2012 :  8:36:39 PM  Show Profile  Visit Shalee's Homepage Send Shalee a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I was going to write something, trying to help, but realized there is nothing I can say that will help. Since I am a widow I understand that I have to accept my husband is gone, but to your child . . that is so sad. I want my husband back just like you want your son back.

As you said: Sometimes it just hits me out of the blue and I have no control. I just lose myself in the grief. I don't want to move forward. The world does not stop and let you come to terms with it.

I think the hardest part is not having had the chance to say goodby. We are here for you, even though we can't bring him back we, who have lost a loved one, understand your grief and are here for you.



Sharon in NW PA
I always wanted my own library but I didn't realize it would be all knitting books!


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Grand-moogi
Seriously Hooked

Australia
783 Posts

Posted - 08/20/2012 :  05:45:40 AM  Show Profile Send Grand-moogi a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Dear Marie,
What a year you are having! Be assured that we will be praying for you right around the world. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. All I can say is that we will be thinking of you and praying for you.

I knit a hug into every stitch
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jtamsn
Permanent Resident

USA
1688 Posts

Posted - 08/20/2012 :  2:00:16 PM  Show Profile Send jtamsn a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Marie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the illnesses in your family. As has already been mentioned, your friends here at KR are here to support you, and not just your knitting. I'm so glad you were able to let us help you. Martha and Lisa are right, you must take care of yourself. Will keep you in thought and prayer.
judy
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hillstreetmama
Permanent Resident

USA
3448 Posts

Posted - 08/20/2012 :  5:59:12 PM  Show Profile Send hillstreetmama a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Marie, my heart goes out to you. I know a little of the pain you feel. I had a newborn daughter that died. She didn't live long enough to even give me memories of her. Someone back then told me that "the first year is the hardest", and it was really the best thing anyone said to me. When life all around me went back to normal after the funeral, I thought the grief would tear me apart. Add to that, DH and I grieved differently - neither way was right or wrong, it was just different. But that bit of advice reminded me that I wasn't crazy, that my anger and fits of depression were normal, and even OKAY. I just had to keep getting up every day. It did slowly get easier - well, at least less difficult - and today I can talk about it without weeping. Life did go on, and joy came into our lives again. Sometimes, little things make me remember, and my throat gets tight. She died 26 years ago, and you know, I'm STILL her mom.

Jan
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