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mokey
Permanent Resident

15375 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2006 :  09:10:30 AM  Show Profile Send mokey a Private Message
beh2g, sounds like we agree. I don't think any couple should have all joint accounts; at least one joint account that all bills and household items should come from and personal accounts for fun money and to maintain credit rating.

I don't know if US banks offer this but here you can place maximum withdrawal/purchase limits on accounts and you can also require signature on cheques over a certain amount. It costs nothing extra.

"An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Martin Luther King Jr.
www.femiknits.blog-city.com
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Atavistic
Permanent Resident

6604 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2006 :  2:57:45 PM  Show Profile  Visit Atavistic's Homepage Send Atavistic a Private Message
It amazes me that someone would trust someone else well enough to have sex, mix up genes, and squeeze out a baby that is then--generally speaking hoped to be--raised by both people, but they wouldn't trust them enough to mix funds.

Amanda

"Is that my Not-Mine Sweater? Whoever gets that Not-Mine Sweater is very lucky."
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megknits
Sustaining Member

USA
729 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2006 :  5:22:02 PM  Show Profile Send megknits a Private Message
Oddly, I think there are a lot of couples who find it easier to discuss sex in detail than discuss finances. Way back (15 yrs ago) when we were in pre cana counseling (pre-marriage counseling that the Catholic church requires before performing weddings) there were several other couples in our group who didn't know how much money the other person earned.

Personally, DH and I have only joint accounts because we mutally enable each other's hobbies. But I could imagine that if one of us was a saver and the other a spender, that could create a lot of tension.

The problem with keeping things separate, though, is that sometimes your lives may not go the way you expect. If one partner becomes unable to work, for example, you would have to re-negotiate how much he "is allowed" to spend of "your" money, which I think could get pretty icky.

Meg

There's two sides to everything. One knitter's knit stitch is another knitter's purl.
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megknits
Sustaining Member

USA
729 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2006 :  5:22:02 PM  Show Profile Send megknits a Private Message
Oddly, I think there are a lot of couples who find it easier to discuss sex in detail than discuss finances. Way back (15 yrs ago) when we were in pre cana counseling (pre-marriage counseling that the Catholic church requires before performing weddings) there were several other couples in our group who didn't know how much money the other person earned.

Personally, DH and I have only joint accounts because we mutally enable each other's hobbies. But I could imagine that if one of us was a saver and the other a spender, that could create a lot of tension.

The problem with keeping things separate, though, is that sometimes your lives may not go the way you expect. If one partner becomes unable to work, for example, you would have to re-negotiate how much he "is allowed" to spend of "your" money, which I think could get pretty icky.

Meg

There's two sides to everything. One knitter's knit stitch is another knitter's purl.
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azknitter
Honorary Angel

5539 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2006 :  6:12:59 PM  Show Profile Send azknitter a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by truly violet

if one spouce dies the joint accounts can be frozen....
what do you live on then until you get that worked out?


In Arizona...a joint account can and WILL be frozen, according to our credit union and attorney, if one spouse dies...until probate is settled.

To solve this dilemma for DH and I, we have a joint account with only enough money to pay our monthly bills and separate individual accounts where we hold our own monies. But!!!...and here's the important thing lots of people don't know about...(thank you Suze Orman)...

....Ask for, no...DEMAND a POD (payable on death) feature/declaration on your accounts...all of them, if you intend your spouse to have complete access to all your monies in the event of your death. No probate is necessary and no freezing of accounts.

We have also set up stock funds with the same clause, it's easy and it costs nothing...you just have to ask for it and then check to see that it's actually printed on your statements.

Trish
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KarenB
Seriously Hooked

750 Posts

Posted - 01/19/2006 :  8:17:15 PM  Show Profile Send KarenB a Private Message
Well said, Amanda.

Karen
My knitting photos: http://photobucket.com/albums/a100/karenknits/
My blog: http://dispatchesfromtheinterior.blogspot.com/
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Shelia
Permanent Resident

USA
2366 Posts

Posted - 01/20/2006 :  05:56:40 AM  Show Profile  Visit Shelia's Homepage Send Shelia a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by Atavistic

It amazes me that someone would trust someone else well enough to have sex, mix up genes, and squeeze out a baby that is then--generally speaking hoped to be--raised by both people, but they wouldn't trust them enough to mix funds.

Amanda





I don't think that trust is always the reason to have or not have joint accounts. Sometimes, especially if both partners are working and there is not a need for a strictly controlled budget, it is just easier for each partner to have their own accounts. Personally, since my husband's financial recordkeeping style is very different from mine, separate accounts save me from going into annoyed mode about this. It is also nice for couples to be able to buy gifts for each other without a joint account paying the bills.

Shelia
www.letstalkstash.blogspot.com
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RoseByAny
Permanent Resident

USA
12598 Posts

Posted - 01/20/2006 :  06:06:53 AM  Show Profile  Visit RoseByAny's Homepage Send RoseByAny a Private Message
Yup, I'm with Shelia. I do agree that it's sad that trust is an issue here - that if you are able to share all those other things with someone the fear that they'll run off with your money is a bothersome one, but it's not a trust issue for me, but an ease issue. Let's just say one of us remembers to pay HER bills, and one of us is notorious for forgetting HIS. We've talked about getting a joint account since his travel schedule complicates getting household bills paid, and we might do that, but we will always keep separate accounts for most things, and the gift giving is certainly easier!

"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
http://RoseByAny.BlogSpot.Com
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Lanea
Permanent Resident

USA
5190 Posts

Posted - 01/20/2006 :  07:18:40 AM  Show Profile  Visit Lanea's Homepage Send Lanea a Private Message
Trust is great, but if it turns out your trust is unfounded, then what do you do? Feel high-minded while you sell your books and CDs so you can buy groceries to feed your kids? Explain to your creditors that your bill isn't really late because your husband would never betray you like that? My Mom trusted my father, and then he went on a bender and spent all of her money and took her car and didn't come back for weeks, and she had no legal way to protect her money from him because they had only joint assets, and she couldn't report the car stolen because they were married. Sometimes people surprise you in really terrible ways.

Please keep enough money for several months worth of bills somewhere safe where only you can access it. God forbid you ever have to use it, but if you need it it could save your life. My friend Jen didn't get married thinking her husband would start hitting her. My friend Mary didn't get married thinking her husband would hold a gun to his forehead in their house in front of their daughter. People go crazy and do terrible things sometimes, and money can save your life.

Support our Yarniversal charities: http://www.cafepress.com/yarniversalcult
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queenmaxine
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
472 Posts

Posted - 01/20/2006 :  07:38:51 AM  Show Profile  Visit queenmaxine's Homepage Send queenmaxine a Private Message
My DW and I have had separate accounts and we now have for the past year a joint account. The truth of the matter is that she is more anal...err...prompt about getting everything paid in a timely fashion. However, she isn't quite as good about balancing payments over pay dates, so we do that together.

I firmly feel that for the most part, one person managing the joint account is essential, asking for help when needed. She manages the account and wanted me to maintain a separate account for personal spending. The truth of that is that we are both in our 40s and have enough stuff. I suggested a monthly allowance which I get in cash. My personal spending is mostly yarn and books and starbucks. Everything else falls easily into budgeted categories.

I rather like not having to worry about bills and finance things. I will inform my DW about the POD. Thanks for that info!

Also both of us have side income which becomes discretionary to whichever of us earn it.

Years together create this comfort and trust. Too bad we can't file joint taxes.

My blog is not strictly knitting, but there are occasional WIP updates and frustration or bragging rants as I am a new knitter.

www.nolanoni.blogspot.com
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susiknits
Permanent Resident

USA
1060 Posts

Posted - 02/23/2006 :  11:32:00 AM  Show Profile  Visit susiknits's Homepage  Send susiknits a Yahoo! Message Send susiknits a Private Message
I have met people (and you have too, probably) who wouldn't know how to greet a happy day if it hit them in the face. Pleasure in unknown to them. The only "moment" they are even in is their very own narrow-minded second, and the only mood they're ever in is a bad one.

The husband taking up knitting and bringing his daughters into the craft as well is nothing less than a lifesaver for all three of them. That woman will be lonely and sour long after the daughters have gone on to good, independent lives -- all because their dad had the wisdom to form a "knitting club" at home.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it....
-susi
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Margie
Permanent Resident

USA
1032 Posts

Posted - 03/15/2006 :  9:52:16 PM  Show Profile Send Margie a Private Message
As KL and HoJo can attest, working with the public is the best and the worst. I get my small share of it too.

My DH loves the socks I make for him and, bless him, wants more. I knew I married the right guy :-)

Margie
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Larjmarj
Chatty Knitter

USA
168 Posts

Posted - 04/01/2006 :  9:58:51 PM  Show Profile  Visit Larjmarj's Homepage Send Larjmarj a Private Message
For me and my DH, it's ALL seperate. Bank accounts, Bills (we split em) he pays mortgage, utilities, I pay my car payment, insurance on both cars, cell phone and dog maintanence. We grocery shop seperately, we cook seperately, we do our own laundry, we even have our own bedrooms! (he snores and squirms). I love it this way, I love my autonomy and having a hub. It's like the best of both worlds. As for the DH complaining about her hub wanting to learn to knit? Sounds like she needs to get a life.



My blog and pics
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Larjmarj
Chatty Knitter

USA
168 Posts

Posted - 04/01/2006 :  9:58:51 PM  Show Profile  Visit Larjmarj's Homepage Send Larjmarj a Private Message
For me and my DH, it's ALL seperate. Bank accounts, Bills (we split em) he pays mortgage, utilities, I pay my car payment, insurance on both cars, cell phone and dog maintanence. We grocery shop seperately, we cook seperately, we do our own laundry, we even have our own bedrooms! (he snores and squirms). I love it this way, I love my autonomy and having a hub. It's like the best of both worlds. As for the DH complaining about her hub wanting to learn to knit? Sounds like she needs to get a life.



My blog and pics
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Stitching Fool
Chatty Knitter

196 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  2:22:35 PM  Show Profile Send Stitching Fool a Private Message
Yes, I agree with Amanda that its pretty amazing that you can have such Joint lives and yet keep your finances separate. While my DH and I do have joint accts/investments, we also have separate accounts (for our businesses). This does create a bit of freedom, but we keep all else together for family expenses.

However, I've recently dealt (all too closely due to my being a CPA and getting hooked in for financial advice/number crunching)with two couples (one in each of our families) who split up after years of marriage and kids involved...people really rear up their VERY UGLY HEADS during a divorce. I've witnessed husbands nickel and diming their stay-at-home wives, and other wives running to the JOINT account very quickly to withdraw many thousands of dollars they felt was "half theirs anyway" even though the husband brought it into the marriage from his own savings. Its best to protect your interests: for the ladies this means having some $$ saved and have your own credit-worthiness.

Think about building a savings account instead of building a bigger stash the next time temptation rolls around.

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Stitching Fool
Chatty Knitter

196 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  2:22:35 PM  Show Profile Send Stitching Fool a Private Message
Yes, I agree with Amanda that its pretty amazing that you can have such Joint lives and yet keep your finances separate. While my DH and I do have joint accts/investments, we also have separate accounts (for our businesses). This does create a bit of freedom, but we keep all else together for family expenses.

However, I've recently dealt (all too closely due to my being a CPA and getting hooked in for financial advice/number crunching)with two couples (one in each of our families) who split up after years of marriage and kids involved...people really rear up their VERY UGLY HEADS during a divorce. I've witnessed husbands nickel and diming their stay-at-home wives, and other wives running to the JOINT account very quickly to withdraw many thousands of dollars they felt was "half theirs anyway" even though the husband brought it into the marriage from his own savings. Its best to protect your interests: for the ladies this means having some $$ saved and have your own credit-worthiness.

Think about building a savings account instead of building a bigger stash the next time temptation rolls around.

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Stitching Fool
Chatty Knitter

196 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  2:26:21 PM  Show Profile Send Stitching Fool a Private Message
ps that wife should be shot! How dare she put him down for picking up a harmless hobby! At least the daughters have one parent with a heart. Even if you "don't get it" about a SO's hobby, at least be supportive. He could have picked up drinking, gambling, women, etc. Well then maybe she'd be happy since that would prove he's not a "fag"...so insulting.
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kdcrowley
Permanent Resident

USA
4773 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  3:08:57 PM  Show Profile  Visit kdcrowley's Homepage Send kdcrowley a Private Message
In california, I think they ask how the joint acct will be held....Joint tenancy means that either or both accountholders can clean out the accoutn, and upon death the account reverts to the survivor.

Usually, you have to twist the bank's arm to get them to take the decedent's name off the account, provide paperwork etc etc. Not the other way round.

Mistress Kelley of the Hellacious Sockknitting

Going to He** for buying sock yarn during Lent, but at least my feet won't be cold.


http://ceallachknits.blogspot.com
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kdcrowley
Permanent Resident

USA
4773 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  3:08:57 PM  Show Profile  Visit kdcrowley's Homepage Send kdcrowley a Private Message
In california, I think they ask how the joint acct will be held....Joint tenancy means that either or both accountholders can clean out the accoutn, and upon death the account reverts to the survivor.

Usually, you have to twist the bank's arm to get them to take the decedent's name off the account, provide paperwork etc etc. Not the other way round.

Mistress Kelley of the Hellacious Sockknitting

Going to He** for buying sock yarn during Lent, but at least my feet won't be cold.


http://ceallachknits.blogspot.com
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orangina
Seriously Hooked

821 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2006 :  3:14:43 PM  Show Profile Send orangina a Private Message
The wife in this story sounds pretty homophobic to me, not to mention immature, obnoxious and verbally abusive. Good luck to her husband and kids!
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