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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  08:48:13 AM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
I figured this was the best place to put this and after you read, you may see why...

How many of us use appreciation of our work (knitting and other arts and crafts) as a test to find suitable mates? I do. Arts and crafts are very important in my life and knitting is one of them. When I'm 'casing' a potential SO, one of the things I do is show them my work. If they show at least some interest, I keep pursuing. If not, I'm not so interested in them anymore. I don't know about you but I'm sick of boyfriends who try to push my abilities aside or insult me for it. I know I'm not bad at what I do, so there's no really good reason for it other than said man just not being the right type for me or maybe just having a bad outlook on things like that. Right now, I'm seriously dating someone who loves everything I do and for the first time in my life, I'm happy...

Laugh- it keeps you sane!

sallyjo
Permanent Resident

USA
2401 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  10:22:09 AM  Show Profile Send sallyjo a Private Message
Good idea. I think that's a good test.

"We all have our strengths and our weaknesses."
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RoseByAny
Permanent Resident

USA
12598 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  10:24:10 AM  Show Profile  Visit RoseByAny's Homepage Send RoseByAny a Private Message
My husband often says "it behooves me to make you happy" - wise words for one so cute.

If you are happier, you'll be a better partner. Someone who doesn't realize that doesn't make a good partner themselves.

"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
http://RoseByAny.BlogSpot.Com
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ScubaQueen
Seriously Hooked

USA
883 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  10:29:56 AM  Show Profile  Visit ScubaQueen's Homepage Send ScubaQueen a Private Message
Interesting....I'm seriously considering breaking it off with my b/f. The reasons are MANY more then you stated...but one of them is the fact that he doesn't seem to like the fact that I'm knitting.....it takes away from time I could be doing something better....like say ....scratching his back! His "it's all about me" attitude is wearing thin on my nerves. The clouds are clearing and I'm finally beginning to see that things are not going to change and I deserve to be with someone who is not so selfish.

Wendy

Somewhere in Texas there's a village missing its idiot!
My blog and other such nonsense... 2 Wet Fins
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minh
Permanent Resident and Destasher Extraordinnaire

USA
3457 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  11:13:26 AM  Show Profile  Visit minh's Homepage Send minh a Private Message
It is indeed important to have a significant other who's supportive on all fronts: work, family life, health and hobbies :)

Here's what my father told me: consider the person you're seeing with all his/her flaws. Imagine that things do not get "better" in time, i.e. these flaws not only exist but they actually get worse! If you still want to be with that person then, then you can marry them!

I'm obsessive-compulsive, my husband is a space cadet. We tried to picture ourselves when we're retired, him with Alzheimer, me cleaning, ordering and listing everything... and we are actually looking forward to growing old together :)

--Minh
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achrisvet
Permanent Resident

USA
5986 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  12:04:00 PM  Show Profile Send achrisvet a Private Message
Minh, your advice is great. I wasn't knitting at the time I met DH. I did, however, observe his reactions to my cats. Anybody who hates cats cannot make me happy. My DH loves the cats and is fascinated by the everyday things they do. As in, "Honey come look!" So I go only to see that the cat is sitting in a box. Ooookay....



Anita
My completed projects

and here

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pjkite
Permanent Resident

1198 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  12:55:59 PM  Show Profile  Visit pjkite's Homepage  Send pjkite a Yahoo! Message Send pjkite a Private Message
I didn't use this test with my first husband - that's only one of the many reasons he's an ex.

My husband is my biggest fan and a shameless enabler who actually held up the start of a court case once to show off a handwoven vest I'd made him to the judge! And he's made sure that our three children value their mother's 'hobby abilities' as much as her 'marketable abilities'. After watching me crochet, weave, tat, sew, spin, knit and weave for over two decades he's even taken up cross-stitch to keep me company. Now I can spin his 'speciality' cashmere and silk threads for him - a blending of talents that's turning out to be loads of fun!

Pamela Kite
East Tennessee
http://fiberlife.blogspot.com/

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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  1:35:17 PM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
Wow, that's great, Pjkite!


Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  1:38:57 PM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by ScubaQueen

Interesting....I'm seriously considering breaking it off with my b/f. The reasons are MANY more then you stated...but one of them is the fact that he doesn't seem to like the fact that I'm knitting.....it takes away from time I could be doing something better....like say ....scratching his back! His "it's all about me" attitude is wearing thin on my nerves. The clouds are clearing and I'm finally beginning to see that things are not going to change and I deserve to be with someone who is not so selfish.

Wendy

Somewhere in Texas there's a village missing its idiot!
My blog and other such nonsense... 2 Wet Fins




You know, I've been with many like that and they're not worth whatever you're hanging onto them for. If they truly love you and appreciate you, they will at least be able to look at your work and give you constructive criticism or at least just say how they think it's wonderful you can do something like that. Not everyone can knit or do other arts and crafts and it's a more wonderful thing than he could ever believe. As a matter of fact, it's not about him, it's about the both of you. He should love and appreciate you as much as you do him and vice-versa.

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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Valk_scot
Permanent Resident

United Kingdom
1281 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  1:44:55 PM  Show Profile Send Valk_scot a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by mokumegane

I don't know about you but I'm sick of boyfriends who try to push my abilities aside or insult me for it.


Any man who does this about anything you do...not just knitting....is a self centred bully, not to mention an arsehole, and is not worth spending another ten seconds of your time with, let alone the rest of your life.

Hubby and I do tease each other a bit about our respective hobbies (he wargames, and his miniature figure stash has to be seen to be belived!) but we do take a mild interest in each others activities and both know the right time to say "Ohhh, wonderful, aren`t you clever..." to each other, even if he doesn`t know a Denise needle from a chopstick. And we give each other plenty of hobby time, including weekends away and arranging vacations round the sort of events that interest each other. We may not see the direct appeal of each others interests, but we know how that interest operates.



Val.

[img]http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/26/26_9_21.gif[/img]
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  2:36:52 PM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
Yeah and that's how it should be. Your SO doesn't have to do your hobby but respect it, just as you respect his/hers.

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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mokey
Permanent Resident

15375 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  3:38:12 PM  Show Profile Send mokey a Private Message
Makes no difference to me whether a partner is interested in my hobbies. If he is insulting about it, that would be different. Just as I could not care about building model planes or compiling software, my husband has no care or concern about my knitting or whatever else I might do.

That said, I think it important, okay, necessary to have some common activities a couple can do together. It might be something as simple as watching a TV show together or as complex as playing paintball together!

"An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Martin Luther King Jr.
www.femiknits.blog-city.com
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  6:33:35 PM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
aww.. yeah, having stuff you can do together is important but I mostly say it's important that you respect each others' hobbies. When I'm told what to do with my time, I'm not happy about it... however, when it's agreed upon by both of us what happens... Relationships should be sharing and things important to you.. you should be allowed to do them, while your SO should be able to do things important to him/her.

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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Wen
Permanent Resident

Australia
3244 Posts

Posted - 12/06/2005 :  7:30:39 PM  Show Profile  Visit Wen's Homepage Send Wen a Private Message
Good idea. My ex looked down on 'craft' - not real art and therefore not worth doing.

DH however thinks that hobbies should be encouraged and money spent on them. Even if he doesn't like all I do he appreciates that it is my hobby and I shouldn't have to justify myself or drop it for him.



Wen

2005 stats: 7 FO, 9 WIP, 1 frogpond.
http://photos.yahoo.com/whdayus
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  05:25:47 AM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
You know something else? People who make things... any art or craft... hobby... it's proven that they do better on tests and stuff. Having a hobby where you create is important.

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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twiggyann
Gabber Extraordinaire

427 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  08:57:27 AM  Show Profile  Visit twiggyann's Homepage Send twiggyann a Private Message
Both my husband and I are enablers to one another. While that is good on the "validation" front, it's disastrous on our checking account. *laugh*

Lesley

Twig's Knitting Blog
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  09:35:02 AM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
::giggles:: hmm... that checking account thing... too bad there isn't any yarn places that want 'yarn testers', huh?

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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ScubaQueen
Seriously Hooked

USA
883 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  1:45:28 PM  Show Profile  Visit ScubaQueen's Homepage Send ScubaQueen a Private Message
Another funny thing....while the B/F doesn't really like that I knit (he thinks I SHOULD be scratching HIS back instead!)...he keeps asking me if I've started HIS socks yet!!! OHHH THE NERVE!!!

The next time he asks "where are my socks"...I'm going to say "AT WAL-MART....WHY DON'T YOU GO GET THEM"

It's really time for him to GOOOO!

Wendy

Somewhere in Texas there's a village missing its idiot!
My blog and other such nonsense... 2 Wet Fins
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  6:09:06 PM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
Yeah... he doesn't respect you... a relationship should be about both of you, not one. I've been in a lot of bad relationships... some worse than yours. :/

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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Atavistic
Permanent Resident

6604 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  8:05:29 PM  Show Profile  Visit Atavistic's Homepage Send Atavistic a Private Message
That's great, Mokumegane! How long have you and your boyfriend been together?

Amanda

"Is that my Not-Mine Sweater? Whoever gets that Not-Mine Sweater is very lucky."
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mokumegane
Gabber Extraordinaire

USA
558 Posts

Posted - 12/07/2005 :  8:30:25 PM  Show Profile Send mokumegane a Private Message
Ah... this one... I've been with him for about five months now but knew him for about nine. The more I know about him... the sweeter he is.. he's so wonderful. It took forever, too... there's so many jerks out there but you just have to keep looking and realize when you're in a situation you don't need to be in.

Laugh- it keeps you sane!
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