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 The Curse of the Love Sweater?
 Friendship Love Sweater?
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beautyoftradition
New Pal

35 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2005 :  12:31:36 AM  Show Profile Send beautyoftradition a Private Message
Hello Fellow Knitters!

I'm new here and fairly young (16 years old).

When I was 10 years old I moved to a new town and became fast friends with my two male neighbors, one of whom i've stayed particularily close with. We spent all are free time over and one another's houses playing various things such as letting him teach me basketball and his tolerating a shirly temple movie for 2 hours without a single complaint. (pardon the setimental tangent)

Anyway, two years ago I moved about 2 hours away, but we've stayed in close touch. Everyone we know always says "you both love eachother but you don't know it". And it's true! My feelings for him just aren't passionate, despite his good looks and our close friendship.

But here's the thing. We were talking and he agreed to let me knit him a sweater. I've been wanting to try a nice cableknit pullover and I can't think of anyone else i'd want to knit it for. He's acting pretty excited about it, and I was too until I heard about the love sweater curse. Even though we are just friends (for now) I hope that the sweater doesn't curse our relationship?

Any suggestions! Thanks[blush]

kadiddly
Permanent Resident

USA
3076 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2005 :  2:13:21 PM  Show Profile  Visit kadiddly's Homepage  Send kadiddly a Yahoo! Message Send kadiddly a Private Message
from what I've heard (mostly here) it seems to only "curse" dating-type relationships. People here give knitted gifts to friends all the time without too many problems, it seems. Maybe knit it for him with the friendship in mind and not what you may (or may not) hope comes from it. One day - and one stitch - at a time!

That said, I've been pretty much forbidden to knit anything for my bf of almost two years - neither of us wear sweaters (we live in SoCal, so there's really no need for them) or scarves or warm hats or mittens or anything like that. I may try a pair of socks at some point, but that would be after I've tried a pair for me first and see how he feels about them then!

FO: scalloped baby blanket, "Cleo" halter top
WIPs: Winter Night Afghan, Knitted Stripes Afghan, Homespun Diamond Lace Shawl
USO: Catch the Wave Afghan, Checkerboard Afghan, Waikiki T-Strap Tank
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beautyoftradition
New Pal

35 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2005 :  2:26:21 PM  Show Profile Send beautyoftradition a Private Message
Thanks for the advice!
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RoseByAny
Permanent Resident

USA
12598 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2005 :  2:34:27 PM  Show Profile  Visit RoseByAny's Homepage Send RoseByAny a Private Message
The curse is just related to relationships of the romantic nature. BUT - you say he "agreed" - did you have to coerce him into letting you knit a sweater? Talk over the color/style/materials with him carefully, so he knows he's getting something he loves. And let him know how hard you're working to make it for him, so he'll know how much efford and (non-romantic) love you put into it!

"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
http://RoseByAny.BlogSpot.Com
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Boogie
Permanent Resident

USA
3073 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2005 :  4:11:18 PM  Show Profile  Visit Boogie's Homepage Send Boogie a Private Message
Curses only work if you believe in them.

amy
http://theboogerblog.blogspot.com
http://www.spunkyhats.com
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beautyoftradition
New Pal

35 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  12:11:58 AM  Show Profile Send beautyoftradition a Private Message
When I said "agreed" I didn't mean I had to convince him or anything. It was more of my asking him and then he was very happy to oblige sort of thing. And thats true; thoughts are things! He actually called today and we decided on a pullover in a crimson red-he even wants a bit of navy blue it somewhere. He's excited and so am I. Thanks everyone!
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Rebs
New Pal

United Kingdom
24 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  01:50:18 AM  Show Profile Send Rebs a Private Message
I know it's a bit different, but I knit a scarf for a friend several Christmas ago. She kept mentionning how I never knit anything for her, but I'm always knitting for other people (my sister for example).
Well, my friend has never worn that scarf, and now we barely talk.
Ok, I got married, and have 2 kids now, but it makes you think.
By the way, my sister still wears her scarf every winter.
They were both Rowan scarves, and all I can say is lucky it was in Big Wool!
So maybe if someone asks, that's not a good idea.

Hope that makes sense.

Take care
Rebecca
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Two Sticks and a String
Permanent Resident

USA
1453 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  02:33:51 AM  Show Profile  Visit Two Sticks and a String's Homepage Send Two Sticks and a String a Private Message
I agree with Boogie.... It's only a curse if you believe in it.

I made a sweater for a boyfriend almost 30 years ago... and we're still together!

So, knit away....

Dorene

"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." -Unknown
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knittingdiva
Gabber Extraordinaire

394 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  05:29:46 AM  Show Profile  Visit knittingdiva's Homepage Send knittingdiva a Private Message
I think with friends it can go the other way and be a GOOD thing (anti-curse?). I knit a lot and my roommate (who's one of my best friends, but no longer my roommate: we had to move on to adult lives -- AKA, she's getting married!) watched me knit a baby blanket for a friend, sweater for someone who's now an ex-, my brother, etc...and I realized that I hadn't knit anything for HER because I didn't want her to feel obliged to wear it (since I'd know, since we LIVED together). But then I happened to leave out the pattern for the Knitty "Boobie Scarf" and she thought it was the funniest thing - so I made it for her.

And you know what? She knew, better than anyone else, how long it took me and that I had to teach myself a new skill (short rows) and she likes the scarf all the more because of that. Anyway. Long story short: He'll 'get it' - that the sweater is for him, but also for you - and the fact that it makes YOU happy to make it will make it all the better.

sometimesatypical.blogspot.com
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Kalikat
Chatty Knitter

137 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  07:40:53 AM  Show Profile Send Kalikat a Private Message
I've found that the sweater curse can apply to friendships as well. So now, whenever a friend expresses interest in having something handknit, I give them a couple of balls of yarn, needles and a promise to teach them how to knit. Knitting together can be such a wonderful bonding experience. They have a wonderful handknit scarf or hat, we have a better friendship, and I have a new knitting buddy. What could be better?
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fmarrs
Guardian angel

USA
9776 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  07:54:39 AM  Show Profile Send fmarrs a Private Message
I don't believe in the curse. Friendships come and go and if a piece of knitting affects them, it wasn't worth the effort. If anything, receiving a hand made gift should improve a friendship.

But, if you are concerned about it, don't knit socks. There is an old wives tale that if you knit your lover a pair of socks, s/he will walk away in them.

fran
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kadiddly
Permanent Resident

USA
3076 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  10:03:09 AM  Show Profile  Visit kadiddly's Homepage  Send kadiddly a Yahoo! Message Send kadiddly a Private Message
ahh, will have to remember that, Fran, thanks!

FO: scalloped baby blanket, "Cleo" halter top
WIPs: Winter Night Afghan, Knitted Stripes Afghan, Homespun Diamond Lace Shawl
USO: Catch the Wave Afghan, Checkerboard Afghan, Waikiki T-Strap Tank
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Jewles
Chatty Knitter

USA
139 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  5:38:50 PM  Show Profile Send Jewles a Private Message
I don't want to believe in curses, but I made a sweater and a scarf for my high school/college boyfriend and we broke up when he cheated on me (long story). Years went by, and I made a sweater and a scarf for my (ex) husband (we were married when I made his gifts and he chose the yarns and patterns). I also made a baby afghan for my cousin when her son was born. 2 years later I visited at her new house and saw the afghan hanging in the garage to protect the car door. But on the other hand, I have made a sweater for my mother, socks for my father and scarves for my sons, numerous cousins and friends.
I agree with Dorene - it is only a curse if you believe it is a curse. Although, I am hesitant to make anything for the new man (we have been together for 1 year) in my life. Maybe I will make scarves for his daughters.
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Wen
Permanent Resident

Australia
3244 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  7:31:55 PM  Show Profile  Visit Wen's Homepage Send Wen a Private Message
I think the only time the curse comes into play is when you make the gift and they get cold feet due to the following "Oh no she knitted me a sweater, that is some commitment, I don't want commitment, the next thing you know I'll be married...RUN!!!"

I don't think that's an issue here. By the way I ended up marrying my close friend 15 years after we met. He loves his hand knitted jumpers.

Wen

2005 stats: 7 FO, 9 WIP, 1 frogpond.
http://photos.yahoo.com/whdayus
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beautyoftradition
New Pal

35 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2005 :  11:51:53 PM  Show Profile Send beautyoftradition a Private Message
I think you are all right..very interesting wive's tale!. Since I have known him for six years and we have a very mutual respect and understanding of eachother I don't think he'll be freaked out to have a sweater...he probably only will if I project that on him!
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Karen in MN
Chatty Knitter

USA
106 Posts

Posted - 07/17/2005 :  07:38:39 AM  Show Profile Send Karen in MN a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by Rebs

I know it's a bit different, but I knit a scarf for a friend several Christmas ago. She kept mentionning how I never knit anything for her, but I'm always knitting for other people (my sister for example).
Well, my friend has never worn that scarf, and now we barely talk.
Ok, I got married, and have 2 kids now, but it makes you think.
By the way, my sister still wears her scarf every winter.
They were both Rowan scarves, and all I can say is lucky it was in Big Wool!
So maybe if someone asks, that's not a good idea.

Hope that makes sense.

Take care
Rebecca




I think that hits on the head actually. When I have knit for people that aren't expecting it, it's been well-received. I have a sister who would never dream of asking me to make her something, but when I send her anything that I've made, be it a felted bag or a shawl, she is just tickled. So that's fun to do. But when someone asks me to knit something for them, it never seems to be good enough, never seems to be what they expected, never looks like the picture, whatever. I think when someone asks you to make something for them, they have all these expectations. When someone gets something that they weren't expecting, they had no expectations, so they're pleased. Also, I think the people that ask specifically for something don't really get how much of ourselves is put into handknitting something, the time and effort involved. I had a "friend" once who admired a pair of socks I made, and proceeded to tell me (not ask, but tell) that she wanted five pairs made for her to give as Christmas gifts, and she'd pay for the yarn and give me "a little something for my time". Oh, and she also thought the price of the yarn I used was too expensive, so find something less expensive, but make sure it looks the same. Um . . . no thanks!

As far as the boyfriend curse . . . I made an unexpected sweater for a guy friend once, and years later, he still wears it and we are still friends and he still comments on how cool it was that someone made him a sweater.

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Wen
Permanent Resident

Australia
3244 Posts

Posted - 07/17/2005 :  7:34:12 PM  Show Profile  Visit Wen's Homepage Send Wen a Private Message
The exception to the above is when the recipient is a knitter or used to be a knitter. My Mum asks me for things now that she no longer knits and is always pleased with the result mistakes and all!

Wen

2005 stats: 7 FO, 9 WIP, 1 frogpond.
http://photos.yahoo.com/whdayus
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styledbykristin
Gabber Extraordinaire

391 Posts

Posted - 07/17/2005 :  7:56:16 PM  Show Profile  Visit styledbykristin's Homepage Send styledbykristin a Private Message
What a lovely, touching, and funny thread. I've laughed, cried and enjoyed the whole thing.

I haven't made anything specifically for someone, but rather let them chose something they liked from my "inventory". It works wonders, everyone's happy, and they don't have any pre-conceived expectations.

All the best, BeautyofTradition. I'm sure I speak for many when I say please share photos with us when its finished.

Best regards,

Kristin


www.styledbykristin.com
kristin@styledbykristin.com

Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have.
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nuttyknittingmama
Chatty Knitter

USA
119 Posts

Posted - 07/17/2005 :  9:34:02 PM  Show Profile Send nuttyknittingmama a Private Message
Hey there, I have to say that I am in-between with thoughts of the "curse". I had a best friend, that was male for the longest time, I crocheted him some items and he absolutely loved them. He was fine and he stayed. Only when I got married, did he quit coming around.. which broke my heart.

Now on the other hand.. I taught a girl-friend how to crochet, I bought her first set of needles for her and gave her a large bag of yarn, and helped her make an afghan and a scarf and some other stuff. Now she doesn't talk to me. I was worried for the longest time, that i had done something wrong.. my husband always assured me that i had not. And for the love of me, i think it has something to do with that dad-blamed afghan.. does the curse extend to afghans?

Gretchen

"Knitting relaxes the: body, mind,and soothes the soul"
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Tgz
Chatty Knitter

Portugal
205 Posts

Posted - 07/18/2005 :  09:02:20 AM  Show Profile  Visit Tgz's Homepage Send Tgz a Private Message
I don't believe in either curse.

Still, I understand where the curse of the love sweater originated: a sweater is a very personal garment, because every body is differently shaped. I would not feel comfortable knitting a sweater to a boyfriend or even a friend unless our relationship was already so strong that I was sure he/she wouldn't mind trying it on several times along the way, giving sincere opinions (it doesn't fit! you must rip it, for instance. If I'm not comfortable with it I shouldn't knit it in the first place) and knowing the cost of the yarn and the time consumed (some people don't understand).

And I would never, ever, knit a surprise sweater, unless it's for a child.

A good example: A friend of mine asked a mutual friend (who is also a knitter) to knit him a scarf. So, they both talked and agreed to go yarn shopping together, she showed him several patterns and he chose it, when we went visit him at home she brought her knitting so he could check the progress and choose the length, and if some problem appeared they would both be comfortable enough to tell the truth and try to solve it. A sweater demands a lot more time and effort.

So, if some day I have a boyfriend which asks me to knit him a scarf or another knitted item which doesn't demand a very personal fit, I will gladly knit it. But a sweater, I believe I will wait a little more. (I never even knitted a sweater to my mother or to my brother! We all are people of strong opinions in matters of clothing. Still, this year I will knit a surprise scarf to each of them. I know we trust each other enough to be able to tell the truth, so if they don't like them, they will tell me and I will re-knit them or keep them to myself and knit them another scarf later.)

Take care,

tgz
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Jenni Reiz
New Pal

Canada
8 Posts

Posted - 07/18/2005 :  3:32:48 PM  Show Profile Send Jenni Reiz a Private Message
Not sure about sweaters, baby blankets have been my bete noire - promised a second blanket for a colleague's DGD, said child is now 3 !!! - colleague is not too upset, child's mother on the other hand....


Jenni in Edmonton (Long time, no post!)
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