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 The Curse of the Love Sweater?
 For me, it was socks...
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Tinker and Crab
New Pal

USA
4 Posts

Posted - 07/11/2005 :  4:25:18 PM  Show Profile Send Tinker and Crab a Private Message
Hello! This is my first post on this board. :waves and grins at everyone:

About three weeks ago, I was dumped by my first boyfriend in about 9 years (long story... I went through a very anti-social period in my twenties). We'd dated for about 8 months, a record for both of us. Blammo! He comes over and says "we need to talk"... and yadda yadda yadda. Long story short, I'm still hiking that long road to recovery, and I almost wish he'd done it in a cowardly way (like the lady on this board whose louse-of-an-ex EMAILED her... Gak!) so I could be more angry at him and less mournful.

Anyway, I'd been knitting him a lovely pair of socks for a couple of months, and I'd been dragging my feet on the verrrry last centimeter of the toe of the second sock. (I'm hardly exaggerating). And yes, these socks were an offering of love and yes, I know I was more into them than he was, but I liked the idea of giving him something I'd made for him.

Backtrack a little: I just started knitting this year, and we were dating when I'd finished my first pair of socks (for myself), and he would alternately admire how warm they looked or protest when I would offer to make him his own pair that it was "gay" for men to wear hand-knitted socks. (I know I know I know... don't get me started.) Then we would have playful, lover-like arguments about this (Me: They are NOT gay!!! Him: (teasing) You never even knit me my own socks... yaddayadda), and it became a running gag until we settled on a color scheme that he approved of as sufficiently "manly" (dark brown w/ royal blue stripes at the cuff) and so I began to happily knit them up.

Fast forward again to the dumping: So there I am, he's just walked out the door, I'm a blubbering fool, and I notice the dang things poking out of my canvas tote bag. :choke: :poignant irony: I quickly decide that the best thing to do is finish up the tiny little bit of toe and give them to him as a combination farewell/eff-you gift.

Here was my logic: 1) I'd put too much work into them to just toss them or re-use the yarn 2) If I gave them to another person to wear, such as my father or brother, I might have to LOOK at them again and that was definitely not an option 3) Admittedly, this is the REAL big reason: I was being spiteful. Before he kicked me out of his life forever, I wanted to spread on a little guilt. I know, I'm petulant.

He and I met one last time, so I could cry in front of him and lose my last shred of dignity, and ask him questions I knew he wouldn't answer. (Example: "When exactly did you stop loving me?") and generally be pathetic. My avowed reason for meeting up with him was "closure". The passing on of the socks was supposed to be the ritual expression of said closure.

He looked at them and said (maybe) thank you... then asked when I'd finished them. When I told him "last night" I got the sort of reaction I'd been looking for... well, maybe not. He said something like "Oh God", which means either he was reflecting on how baaaaad he was to dump me, or he was reflecting on how pathetic I was to do that. At least I got a reaction. Then he offered to give them back, saying I should give them to someone else, and I gave him all my reasons stated above why that wouldn't work. Then he suggested that if I went and threw them in the trash it would be emotionally satisfying for me... and I explained again why this would not work. He ended up taking them, with a sort of "threat" that he would indeed wear them. (I think he was implying to me that they would have absolutely no emotional hold on him... which, if it's true, means he's more emotionally dead than I thought he was... admittedly, I'd be more pleased if I knew he'd tossed them because he couldn't handle the reminder of me.)

So that's my sad tale, and the postscript is that I think it might be a few months before I can cheerfully knit another pair of socks, but that's okay. Scarves and muffatees and other items will abound in the interim.

Whaddyathink? Does this "curse" extend to all romantically-motivated-knitting? I reeeeeally hope not. This is the first I've heard of this curse (being a novice knitter), but I find it morbidly amusing and I wonder how long such a superstition has been in circulation among needlewomen?

--Catherine in Staten Island

Susan T-O
Permanent Resident

USA
2481 Posts

Posted - 07/11/2005 :  6:08:00 PM  Show Profile  Visit Susan T-O's Homepage Send Susan T-O a Private Message
Hi Catherine, and welcome! (grins & waves back)

I'm sorry to hear about your break-up. Trite words, but it will get better over time, honestly! In the meantime, hold your head high, pick up your needles, and knit something other than socks for now. How about a noose?

I sure hope the curse doesn't apply to all romantic/love knitting; if so, I'm doomed after all the socks, scarves, and hats I've made for DH. I suspect it's just romantic things for boyfriends/girlfriends, not marrieds or those in might-as-well-be married and/or we'd-be-married-if-the-law-allowed-it relationships.

--Susan T-O in Long Beach CA

"Implying that Fran can't knit is kind of like implying that the Pope can't pray."--RachelKnitter
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gdelrosa
Seriously Hooked

USA
851 Posts

Posted - 07/11/2005 :  6:11:48 PM  Show Profile  Visit gdelrosa's Homepage  Send gdelrosa a Yahoo! Message Send gdelrosa a Private Message
So sorry to hear about your break up:( I hope knitted gifts to significant others are part of the "curse". I've made my boyfriend of 2.5 years a few hats. I've also made things for people in his family. So far so good...

I changed my blog name: www.gailknits.blogspot.com
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celia
Permanent Resident

Australia
2454 Posts

Posted - 07/11/2005 :  6:44:24 PM  Show Profile  Visit celia's Homepage Send celia a Private Message
sorry to hear abt the break up. hope things start looking up soon.

celia


My blog is here:
http://celiaknits.blogspot.com
I am destashing here:
http://celias-basket.blogspot.com/
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allsmile
New Pal

USA
44 Posts

Posted - 07/11/2005 :  9:01:14 PM  Show Profile  Visit allsmile's Homepage Send allsmile a Private Message
That really stinks. I finished some huge socks for my bf and so far we're still together and he likes them. Sorry things didn't work out well for you. Too bad it ruined sock knitting for you. At least you didn't knit a whole sweater.

*Vicki*

Check out my blog
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Two Sticks and a String
Permanent Resident

USA
1453 Posts

Posted - 07/12/2005 :  04:08:19 AM  Show Profile  Visit Two Sticks and a String's Homepage Send Two Sticks and a String a Private Message
Catherine,

A big KR Welcome!!!

Ah, the bum....should have had a cat pee on them before you gave them. Don't look back.. look ahead. Remember... you will need to kiss lots of frogs before you find your prince.

Where 'bouts are you on SI. I grew up in Todt Hill, and started my own family in West Brighton (Bard Ave) before heading upstate. Gosh, how it has changed.

Dorene

"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." -Unknown
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Tinker and Crab
New Pal

USA
4 Posts

Posted - 07/12/2005 :  09:26:24 AM  Show Profile Send Tinker and Crab a Private Message
Thanks for the supporting words, all! Indeed, I am trying to move ahead, think positively, view the relationship as a stepping stone and a learning experience--some days are better than others. I somehow want to retain inside me the general feeling of being in love, and remember it fondly, but not cling to the past so much that I can't move on and find love somewhere else out there. It's kind of a fine line to walk, if you know what I mean. In the meantime, I'm lavishing knitting projects on friends and family. (Well, I've *started* them, anyhow. [blush]

Dorene: Bard Avenue! A stone's throw from me... and my very good friend currently lives on Bard Avenue at the corner of Henderson. I live in West Brighton, on Forest Avenue right near Clove Lakes Park. Yes, Staten Island has been changing way too quickly. I work at Historic Richmond Town, so preserving the Island's past is something I'm more or less involved with every day. Can't say I blame you for moving upstate, though... it's probably easier to breathe there, huh?

--Catherine in Staten Island
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knitsforsanity
New Pal

USA
11 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2005 :  12:33:31 PM  Show Profile  Visit knitsforsanity's Homepage  Send knitsforsanity a Yahoo! Message Send knitsforsanity a Private Message
HI Catherine,

I wanted to give some words of support and encouragement. I'm the one whose boyfriend dumped her over email. Oh yes that's me. It's been a little over three weeks now. I'll be honest with you. In some ways it gets easier and in some ways it definitely doesn't. It's hard right now and will be for awhile. Although I do believe that the hurt fades with time.

The day I got the terrible email I sobbed uncontrolably for an hour. It has gotten easier little bit little since then. I haven't cried over him since the 5th day after he walked out on me. I've decided that he's not worth my tears. I do cry over my current situation. Him leaving me has definitely made it even more difficult. I do try to remember that nothing in life is supposed to be easy. Things happen and we have to try and move on the best way we can.

Remember that it's okay to cry. Crying will help you get all of your hurt and anger out. It will help you move on faster. Give yourself a moment to grieve. You need that time to mourn your relationship. Believe me, I'm not done mourning. I don't want him back and I don't think I miss him. I do miss our friendship and the relationship we had before he got sick of me being physically disabled. I'm still mourning a major loss and I'm sure we both will be for a long time. It's okay to be upset. Take your little moments during the day when you're alone or with a friend. We just can't let it run our lives.

I would advise you to do what I did. Say to yourself, "you don't want me then I don't want you." You do not want to be with someone who doesn't want you back. Just remember how many men there are out there who would love to be with a great girl like yourself. This is a great big world we live in. You'll meet someone fantastic when you least expect it. For now take everything you have that reminds you of your ex, put it in a box and pack it away. That's what i did. I took everything including pictures and gifts. It makes it easy to get rid of reminders. You can always go back and look through everything in a couple of months.

Well I hope this helps some. Please let me know if you ever need to talk. I'm hear for you and I understand what you're going through. Hnag-in there, okay? Everything is going to turn out great in the end. Just give it time...

Laura
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Kimberling
Warming Up

USA
90 Posts

Posted - 07/26/2005 :  8:10:05 PM  Show Profile Send Kimberling a Private Message
Laura and all -

The fact that the cowardly SOB dumped you by email gives you a great story and he will always be known henceforth as the "coward who sends emails". Thinking about the curse of the love sweater or the love socks or the other items..... isn't it a great way to see how the relationship is progressing? Someone who takes time to make something for you really cares - and it will flesh out whether or not the boyfriend cares for you or not. I got dropped like a hot rock 20 years ago making a scarf for a boyfriend - I think it scared him off - like I was getting possessive. Now... the man who is my DH was extremely touched after I made him a vest and I think it helped move us closer emotionally. He still has it and takes extremely good care of it - which makes me adore him more. Good for you for having the courage to show you care and believe me - you will find the right one some time. Knitters have big hearts and you will have a few frogs from time to time (both men and mistakes) Good luck and I applaud your ability to laugh!

Kimberling
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elkymama
Seriously Hooked

USA
688 Posts

Posted - 08/05/2005 :  10:33:31 AM  Show Profile Send elkymama a Private Message
It was socks for me, too...

About 2 months ago, I saw some of that cool self-striping sock yarn and decided to see if I could remember how to knit. I bought the yarn and began making socks for my DH (we've only been married 5 months).

Last week he happened to see me finishing the first sock. (I didn't tell him the socks were for him.) He commented, "Hmmm...I sure hope you don't bury me in them."

Someone on another forum suggested that I should put a lump of coal in the toe and give the socks to him for Christmas.

After his comment, I reconsidered the socks and realized the yarn is on the wild side, too wild for a guy with conservative tastes. So I'll make his socks in merino yarn in a tan/ivory marl.

"There's a thin line between hobby & mental illness."
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lella
Permanent Resident

9712 Posts

Posted - 08/13/2005 :  7:24:05 PM  Show Profile Send lella a Private Message
Many Moons ago, I made DH several love sweaters in a row, and he is, #1 still alive, and, #2, still here. But, this does happen often enough, this curse of the love Sweater/socks, that it must be true in part. It's pretty weird how often it happens. Maybe knitting makes us oblivious to what's going on around us?

I hope that you are recovering, luv. It's very hard to break up, especially to be the dumped one.

lella [img]http://smilies.sofrayt.com/^/9971/omelet.gif[/img]

http://www.zippiknits.blogspot.com
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lemons
Permanent Resident

1692 Posts

Posted - 08/13/2005 :  7:46:57 PM  Show Profile Send lemons a Private Message
I vote for starting another pair of socks right now. You can sniffle over them and moan (haven't we all done that, with or without knitting needles) and it'll help you realize it wasn't the socks, it was him, the rat. Sort of getting back on the horse that threw you, so to speak.

We're on your side, honey.

lemons of missouri
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WAknits
Chatty Knitter

USA
129 Posts

Posted - 08/19/2005 :  5:15:19 PM  Show Profile  Visit WAknits's Homepage Send WAknits a Private Message
I'm with lemons. For me, it was a crocheted afghan, but I digress. I think you should continue on the path toward making socks, sweaters, or whatever your fancy is. I didn't think I could stand another afghan at first, but I got to working on another one and it was easier once I started than I thought it would be. Keep your head up, honey!

~ Anna in Washington state

Yep, I'm bloggin' now! Check me out: http://annasyarnmansion.blogspot.com/ .
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mamid
Permanent Resident

Canada
1568 Posts

Posted - 08/23/2005 :  6:26:05 PM  Show Profile  Send mamid a Yahoo! Message Send mamid a Private Message
I would have given them to charity. Like the first homeless person I met on the streets.

that'll show him!

Craftiness is Sanity
Trailer - Trash to Treasure?
"Knitting is indeed manly. After all you spend a long time poking a rigid object through a flexible opening!" - Mokey
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Stitching Fool
Chatty Knitter

196 Posts

Posted - 08/23/2005 :  7:36:43 PM  Show Profile Send Stitching Fool a Private Message
To the girl whose boyfriend couldn't appreciate her or the socks:

Retail and knitting therapy. First, buy some wonderful new yarn just for YOU to make something beautiful just for YOU. Don't sweat the socks you gave him. He'll live to regret not appreciating someone who would/could actually make something so thoughtful when he gets dumped next time (remember, "what goes around comes around"). Life does go on, even if its hard right now. some of us have been around awhile so we know.

take care,
Marie
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