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 The Curse of the Love Sweater?
 After 4.5 Year I Fell Victim to the Curse
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knitsforsanity
New Pal

USA
11 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  2:27:54 PM  Show Profile  Visit knitsforsanity's Homepage  Send knitsforsanity a Yahoo! Message Send knitsforsanity a Private Message
When I heard of the curse of the love sweater I thought it was weird and funny. I though how can knitting a sweater for your boyfriend possible break you up?!

Well I've never been superstitious but maybe I should be. I was knitting a sweater for my boyfriend of over 4.5 years and he broke up with me. It's been one week.
I've been disable since Aug. '04 with a sciatic nerve injury. I went into the hospital for knee surgery and came out with nerve damage in my thigh. Now I have a terrible chronic pain condition that has taken me out of work, stopped me from finishing up college and well taken pretty much my whole life that I had away. The doctors say that the nerve is regenerating and that the nerve grows VERY slowly. Only a milimeter a day. They say once the nerve reaches my ankle my of my pain should go away. That's good news but it just takes so long for it to regerate. It could be another 6 months before we see big improvement.

Well my ex got tired of waiting for me to recover and walked out on me. I guess I'm better off without him if he is capable of this. It's better that I know now than if we had gotten married and this has happened. The worst part of it is that he sent me a freakin email! Can you say "chicken?" He wouldn't even call me up on the phone to tell me why. So I said fine. If you don't want me I don't want you. He said that he couldn't just do the right thing anymore. So I said fine! If you don't want me I don't want you. I do not want to be with someone who doesn't want me. I do not want to be pitied and it makes me sick that you pitied me for so long. I said
fine if you don't want to talk to me than you won't hear from me again. I won't call, I won't email and you won't get so much as a letter. I walked away and am better for it. He could of at least ended it nicely. Sending me an email after 4.5 yrs was a total slap in the face.

Don't get me wrong it has been very tough. I just can't afford to stop living what little I have left of my life b/c of this. My body and my mind can't afford it.

So what became of the love sweater I was knitting? Well I frogged it and put the yarn in a big box along with everything else having to do with him. My mom helped me and put the box in the basement. I figure get rid of the evidence and you won't have to think about him as much. So that's my story. I guess I've been made a believer of curses.

The wierd thing is that my surgery in August of '04 was on Friday the 13th? Coincidence that it went bad? Well I may pay better attention to these two myths from now on. Good luck to everyone else knitting a love sweater. I so hope that it turns out better for you.

Laura

Dicksie
Permanent Resident

USA
1995 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  2:45:24 PM  Show Profile Send Dicksie a Private Message
Laura I am so sorry you have had to deal with the trauma of a break-up as well as your nerve situation. Standing by someone you love who is in pain is not only the honorable thing, but the only thing. And an e-mail is beneath contempt. He was not worthy of you. The curse of the love sweater, like so many other things, is just in fun and can't be taken seriously, but you did the right thing in "dismantling" the garment and putting it away with all the other things that remind you of him (you have a wise Mom). It is a symbolic end to a relationship that could have been disastrous. I keep thinking of the old saying "Time heals all wounds - and wounds all heels." It will get easier.

http://tourdirector.smugmug.com/gallery/529635
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AgnesB
Permanent Resident

USA
1152 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  3:07:30 PM  Show Profile  Visit AgnesB's Homepage Send AgnesB a Private Message
Dear Laura,
You are a very brave girl! I don't think it is an easy thing to deal with such a break up when you are recovering from such a serious surgery. What is more painful? The physical pain or the one caused by this break up? I can't tell ... I just know that it surely hurts deep inside, but it would heal ... if you want it to! So far, I think you've done everything in a graceful way ... I wish you the best and (((((HUGS)))))!



[img]http://photos3.flickr.com/6944418_c76df65d6c_m.jpg[/img]
Knitting in the Valley My Kitty Album
Everyone ought to worship God according to his own inclinations, and not to be constrained by force.
-Flavius Josephus
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Lissa
Permanent Resident

USA
4942 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  3:22:02 PM  Show Profile  Visit Lissa's Homepage Send Lissa a Private Message
You go, girl! You have exactly the right attitude - why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? That doesn't diminish the pain of all of this, but your outlook will even help you to heal faster, I'll be!

Lissa

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey

Oh, and I now have a blog:http://knittnlissa.typepad.com/knittnlissa/
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gdelrosa
Seriously Hooked

USA
851 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  3:30:55 PM  Show Profile  Visit gdelrosa's Homepage  Send gdelrosa a Yahoo! Message Send gdelrosa a Private Message
Keep your chin up! I know this is such a cliche but the hurt will leave you. Even though it seems like it's taking forever. Just like your back problem. But it will get better... Don't lose sight of what is really important. YOU.

I changed my blog name: www.gailknits.blogspot.com
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orangina
Seriously Hooked

821 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  3:59:52 PM  Show Profile Send orangina a Private Message
The e-mail break-up? That is SO rotten! Right up there with the voice-mail break-up in terms of chicken.

take care, hope you meet someone better soon!
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fmarrs
Guardian angel

USA
9776 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  7:02:49 PM  Show Profile Send fmarrs a Private Message
Laura,

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but this is my take on the knitter's curse.

How many boyfriends do you have in one lifetime? Usually it is more than one and before you find your true love it is possible to knit sweaters more than a few others. Just do the math. You make sweaters, for example, for 4 boyfriends. One you marry and the knitter's curse is true on the other three?

Frankly, I'm glad you broke up with your boyfriend. He sounds like a real jerk.

fran
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dschmidt
Permanent Resident

3989 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  7:27:22 PM  Show Profile Send dschmidt a Private Message
That's terrible. What comes through in your posting is that you are a strong person and that will help you continue to cope with all that is coming your way. Your mom sounds like a great support too. After all this, it will only get better.

Donna in VA
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Busyhands
Permanent Resident

USA
1496 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  8:23:24 PM  Show Profile Send Busyhands a Private Message
Argh, what a schmuck! He obviously didn't deserve a sweater from you! Don't waste another minute mourning him - that is an awful lot of relationship to go down the drain all at once but like you said, it's better to find out now than later that he's a jerk. Knit yourself something fabulous and thumb your nose at him.
Lin

"Wearing cheerful, multicolored hats is a public service, easy to perform, and of incalculable value." - Anna Zilboorg
[IMG]http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y69/Busyhands/elisaintunnel.jpg[/IMG]
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vicky by the bay
Permanent Resident

USA
4768 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  10:18:18 PM  Show Profile Send vicky by the bay a Private Message
Oh Laura, I am so so sorry to hear how terrible your ex has been to you. Remember, this too shall pass....it may take a long while, but it will pass. What a schmuck! I know there is a wonderful person down the road for you when you are ready. It's probably a good thing...you need to focus on yourself, your health, and getting as much support as you can while your having the chronic pain problem. I sure hope your doctors are correct. I've never heard of a nerve regenerating. Once they are damaged they are damaged. Nerves don't regenerate. If they did quadraplegics and paraplegics would eventually get better. Have you contacted legal help? It seems they must have had you positioned incorrectly for too long...which caused the nerve to be compromised and damaged. You went in for knee surgery. There's no reason your back should have been damaged. Most medical/legal attorneys will see you without a retainer to see if you even have a case. If you haven't done so I would right away. This maybe permanent and if you cannot work any more you will need $$ to live on and get treatment for this problem. Look into it please. Take care of yourself. I am so glad you have a mother who is there for you. YOu are blessed. I know when you are alone it doesn't feel very good right now, but I think to really see what this man is like before you married him is a true gift. Just remember...he's the sick one...not you! Lots of love and support.

Vicky (Queen O'Yarn archivist-QYA)
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knitsforsanity
New Pal

USA
11 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  11:29:16 PM  Show Profile  Visit knitsforsanity's Homepage  Send knitsforsanity a Yahoo! Message Send knitsforsanity a Private Message
Thank you for all of the wonderful support! I never expected to get so many replies right away. Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations. It feels good to get it off of my chest.
I have a knitting blog:
www.knitsforsanity.typepad.com
I just didn't feel right venting about this situation there. To public? Well I guess this is too but chances are that he'll never see this.
I do know that I am better off. Yes time does heal all wounds physically and emotionally. That's what I keep telling myself. When it rains it pours right?! Luckily my family is a great support system. My parents have been the ones standing by my, taking care of me day in and day out, taking me to doctors appointments, puchasing my medicine and listening to my troubles. They're just fantastic. I couldn't have gotten luckier with the two of them. They just got their youngest child out of the house when I had to come back. I'd say the best part of this experience has been the relationship that I've built with my parents, especially my dad. My father takes such good care of me that the next guy who comes along with have a lot to live up to.
My ex saw me as someone with a disability. Everything came back to my leg and he defined me by it. My best friend helped me to see how wrong that was. A switch clicked when she said, "Laura, who cares if you can't go run a mile. Who cares if you walk with a cane for the rest ofyour life or even if you have to be in wheelchair. That's simply not what life is all about." That statement made me realize that my ex was making me feel like a disabled person not his speical girlfriend. Now it's all just very clear to me.
As far as whether someone messed up or not we don't have answers about that yet. My sciatic wasn't damaged in my back. Your sciatic nerve runs from the nerve root in your back all the way down the back of you leg and into your foot. Mine was damaged mid-thigh proximal to the bifercation point. It seems impossible to pin-point exactly how it happened. It could have been so many things. It seems like it may have been a tourniquet injury b/c of the placement of the injury. I also had a large hematoma at the point. Everything that they did with the tourniquet was protocol. My dad is a nurse anesthetist and has spent a lot of time investigating the whole thing.
I was taking anti-inflammatory meds up until my surgery (stupid me!) so that could have caused the hematoma. The hematoma might have put pressure on the nerve causing the damage. The damage wasn't severre enough to cause permanent loss of motor function. The motor function came back in my foot after about 6 weeks. I still can't wiggle my toes well though.
Some nerves regenerate and some nerves don't. From what I understand it the peripheral nerves that do. After the nerve is damaged it dies back and there is no way to tell how far. Then it regenerates a millimeter a day on a good day. If you damage your spinal cord there is no way for those nerves to come back.
Anyhow that's enough medical junk! [blush] I just have to wait as long as I have to for it to come back. We just have to keep our fingers crossed that it comes back and the pain goes with it. the only thing I'm concerned with righ tnow is getting better. I just want my life back. That's the only thing that's important to me. If someday I stop improving...well I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
For now it's knittin' by day and blogging by night! I also started a charity knitting project called The Preemie Project. it's so important to me. We donate items to NICUs and families who need extra help. Check out the website if you want. The Preemie Project has been my saving grace. www.knitsforsanity.typepad.com/preemieproject_homepage

Thank you for all of the wonderful support and advice. I truly needed that. Stop in and say hello on my knitting blog sometime!

-Laura
www.knitsforsanity.typepad.com

Laura
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fmarrs
Guardian angel

USA
9776 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  11:36:26 PM  Show Profile Send fmarrs a Private Message
Sorry, Vicki, I have to disagree with you on that one. Some nerves do regenerate. It all depends on what causes the damage. In order to regenerate, the covering to the nerve must be intact, but that part of the nerve can also heal together. The nerve beyond the damaged point dies but begins to regenerate slowly. If your doctors have evaluated you and have seen evidence of the nerve regenerating, believe them.

I learned this from my medical training, but I knew about it for years prior to that. You see, I injured my left arm at the shoulder level when I was three, damaging the nerve and paralyzing it. It took a year for the nerve to regenerate but my arm was totally normal when it was finished. As a result of that injury, I learned to tie my shoes with one hand.

fran

p.s. I'm a nurse anesthetist, too.
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knitsforsanity
New Pal

USA
11 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  11:44:10 PM  Show Profile  Visit knitsforsanity's Homepage  Send knitsforsanity a Yahoo! Message Send knitsforsanity a Private Message
Fran,

Thank you for the encouragment. I do believe what the doctors are telling me b/c of the evidence. I've had terrible pain in my calf through this whole ordeal. However right after the incident and for a couple of months the underneath of my thigh was so extremely tender. I do remember having bad pain there post surgery as well. Now it's gone. So the nerve has regerated past that point! So exciting!
Since the head of a regenerating nerve is so extremely sensitive it causes the most pain. So through physical exame the doctors where able to tell that the nerve has grown just below the knee. How exciting! They said this was good evidence that I should recover eventually. There is just no way to tell how long it will take. So I'm doing the only thing I can do, staying positive and being patient. Hey there's nothing I can do about it so there is no use being upset. That's life!
I think that my ex had a tough time dealing with my positive attitude. He assumed that I was happy this way. I guess he has never heard of putting on a happy face. He thought that he just being without me day to to was worse than what I'm goign through! Oh yes i could go on and on. Well enough bashing the ex. What's done is done.
Thank you for the positive encouragment Fran! I'm so glad that your situation turned out so well. I just hope that you didn't have too much pain along with it.

Knitting for Sanity in Iowa,
Laura
www.knitsforsanity.typepad.com

Laura
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blwinteler
Permanent Resident

USA
3145 Posts

Posted - 06/28/2005 :  11:54:53 PM  Show Profile  Visit blwinteler's Homepage  Send blwinteler a Yahoo! Message Send blwinteler a Private Message
Laura, you seem to be such a strong woman with a wonderful family. I am sure that no matter what happens, you will get through it beautifully. Oh, also, Fran is always right. Always. I'd trust just about anything she says, even if it is that the sky is lime green.

Take care!
Brandy

My finished projects

Seen on a church marquee: Blessed are the flexible, for they shall never be bent out of shape.
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edelsma
Permanent Resident

Canada
1182 Posts

Posted - 06/29/2005 :  04:39:19 AM  Show Profile Send edelsma a Private Message
Hi Laura,

At this point, your health is the most important thing, take very good care of yourself, and I am sure a lot of us are with you every step of the way.
oooo xxxxx)))))

Margaret in Waterloo, Ontario
2005 stats: FO's 7, WIP 2
~~~
When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self.... Confucius~~~

http://ca.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/edelsma/my_photos
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maribelaprn
Permanent Resident

USA
2033 Posts

Posted - 06/29/2005 :  06:24:11 AM  Show Profile Send maribelaprn a Private Message
Hi Laura,

I'm sorry for your pain, both physical and emotional. But you know, I wonder if The Curse of the Love Sweater is really a curse or a blessing?? I've fallen victim to The Curse as well, but looking back, it was a blessing. Perhaps the Goddess of Knitting (OK, humor me) knows this person is scum and choose this way of revealing just what a jerk he is after the sweater was finished. If this guy is so able to hurt you, isn't it better to be rid of him?? He certainly wasn't worth the love you gave him so readily and knitted into the sweater.

A blessing or a curse?? I'm not sure!

Mari


Don't confuse knowledge with wisdom. With one you make a living, with the other you make a life.
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vicky by the bay
Permanent Resident

USA
4768 Posts

Posted - 06/29/2005 :  09:48:41 AM  Show Profile Send vicky by the bay a Private Message
Thanks for the nerve education! Great to learn new lessons every day. I will certainly pray for a rapid recovery and strength to get through what is necessary for that recovery. You are such a strong, courageous woman. I am so pleased to be able to watch you grow and get through this very difficult time. Thank you so much for sharing this w/ us. It gives me hope. You are awesome and your ex is the loser in this part of life. Please keep us posted on your recovery.

Vicky (Queen O'Yarn archivist-QYA)
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SerMom
Permanent Resident

Canada
6412 Posts

Posted - 06/29/2005 :  4:36:52 PM  Show Profile Send SerMom a Private Message
Vicky, don't you love being wrong about the bad stuff? I know I do!

Laura, just hang in there, and vent to us all you want. Emotional support is just as big a part of the KR family as knitting support, as I've discovered!

Barbara
Remember, we're self-selecting!

My photos:
My blog:
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Two Sticks and a String
Permanent Resident

USA
1453 Posts

Posted - 06/30/2005 :  06:36:17 AM  Show Profile  Visit Two Sticks and a String's Homepage Send Two Sticks and a String a Private Message
Laura,
He is lower than the dog poop on the bottom of your shoes. You are so right... move on..
I have a wonderful husband that worships the ground that I walk on. He as stuck by me through my medical ordeals. But, I had to kiss quite a few frogs before I found my prince!
Keep your head held high.. remember.. you are special and you only deserve the very best..

Dorene

"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." -Unknown
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Stitching Fool
Chatty Knitter

196 Posts

Posted - 07/03/2005 :  07:09:41 AM  Show Profile Send Stitching Fool a Private Message
[quote]Originally posted by Dicksie
"Time heals all wounds - and wounds all heels."


never heard the "wounds all heels" part but how true it is.

to Laura,

he left you because he is completely selfish, not because you were knitting him a sweater. his inadequacy was further highlighted by the fact that you're thinking of him when you're in pain and doing something like handknitting him a sweater. There's no dignity in someone who cannot even face you to end the relationship.
good riddance
from someone who's been around for a while
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HoJo
Permanent Resident

USA
1474 Posts

Posted - 07/03/2005 :  09:40:50 AM  Show Profile  Visit HoJo's Homepage Send HoJo a Private Message
As someone who went through a disabling medical crisis of her own for over 1.5 years (and now is pretty much healed), I can speak to how important it is to have positive support surrounding you and that there are men out there who will stick with you.

My DH and friends are proof of that. You are such a positive person, it is important to have your friends be positive - and to be able to focus on healing yourself. If you're not needing to expend energy on a selfish jerk (and my guess is there were other areas in which he was not completely supportive or unselfish as well) - you have more time to spend on yourself and your healing as well as on the positive friends around you.

Make sure you celebrate the milestones along the way to complete health. It's important to be able to look back and see how far you've come! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

HoJo

Our estore: www.fullthreadahead.com
Yarn for the mind, body, and soul

My blog: www.fullthreadahead.com/blog
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