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 The Curse of the Love Sweater?
 The curse of the boyfriend scarf?????
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Joelle
Chatty Knitter

197 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  09:45:41 AM  Show Profile  Visit Joelle's Homepage Send Joelle a Private Message
Frankly, I don't have time to knit my boyfriend a sweater before xmas which I'm thankful for -- I don't want to tempt fate! So what about a scarf? I've been knitting him a gorgeous cashmere scarf, throwing caution to the wind, but I still have a little tiny voice telling me that it might be a good idea to give it to my dad instead...

I'd love to hear some stories from those of you who have tempted fate - and won!

Joelle
www.purlsoho.com


RoseByAny
Permanent Resident

USA
12598 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  09:50:36 AM  Show Profile  Visit RoseByAny's Homepage Send RoseByAny a Private Message
Listen to the little voice.

Whether or not the curse is true, if something is telling you that it might be, don't tempt it. If you want the guy to stick around, tell him about the curse, and hope that you can knit for him without fear someday!

"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
http://RoseByAny.BlogSpot.Com
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franna724
Seriously Hooked

USA
633 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  10:35:38 AM  Show Profile  Visit franna724's Homepage Send franna724 a Private Message
Maybe I should knit something for my sister's fiance??? or would she have to be the one to knit it for the curse to rear its ugly head?? LOL Seriously, I'm sure he'll be okay once I meet him.

Joelle, I'd give it to your dad. I'm not much for believing in curses, but I'd listen to the little voice just to be safe. :D

Anna
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xmasberry
Seriously Hooked

826 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  11:01:09 AM  Show Profile  Visit xmasberry's Homepage Send xmasberry a Private Message
hmm. last year i gave my new boyfriend (at the time) a pillow cushion that i knitted. since then i have given him a few beanies and am working on a pair of felted clogs and some socks. since he tells everyone he meets that i knit whatever item he happens to be wearing that i made for him, i'm not worried about knitting anything for him. in fact, a sweater is scheduled for his birthday! he is so appreciative, that i am not worried about it.

that said, i'd give the scarf to your dad. dad's need hand-made items from their kids now and then (and i am making a hat for my dad this year, too).

holly x
"do what you love, love what you do, leave the world a better place and don't pick your nose" -Jef Mallett
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acsc1998
Warming Up

80 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  1:46:05 PM  Show Profile Send acsc1998 a Private Message
Joelle -
I never believed in the curse before, and i hesitate to bring up my negative experience, but just thought i'ld share what happened to me when i gave my boyfriend a scarf -- obviously i wouldn't expect the same thing to happen to you (i'm sure your boyfriend is a much nice and better person than the slime-ball i was dating), but just thought i'ld share. hopefully the story give you a little chuckle (as i am now able to laugh, somewhat, at what happened). happy holidays and enjoy knitting the scarf....for whomever you choose : )

link to my story...
http://www.knittersreview.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=23496

lexy
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knit_chick
Permanent Resident

1484 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  1:48:24 PM  Show Profile Send knit_chick a Private Message
OK... not a big confidence builder since I just finished one for mine for his Christmas present.

Honestly, I agree with the others who say listen to that little voice. A cashmere scarf is such a lovely present. If you're not 100% sure about it (especially if you've just started dating), give it to your dad.

http://knitchick.blog-city.com
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Wovenflame
Seriously Hooked

Canada
812 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  2:33:04 PM  Show Profile  Visit Wovenflame's Homepage Send Wovenflame a Private Message
I knit my boyfriend not one sweater, but two....and a pair of socks in the four years we were dating. We have now been very happily married for 27 years.

If the relationship is sound, a little knitting will not "curse" it. If it is not a good relationship, refraining from giving knitted gifts will not "save" it either.

In the end, use your good judgement. If you are unsure of the level of commitment in your relationship and can't stand the thought of losing good yarn and the time you would spend knitting, give it to your dad. He will always be your dad.

-Marlene-
Come visit me at:http://wovenflame.blogspot.com/
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TheNakedKnitter
Chatty Knitter

282 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  3:44:31 PM  Show Profile Send TheNakedKnitter a Private Message
Hi Joelle,

Go ahead and knit the scarf, and curses be d*****! (Sorry, don't wish to offend anyone ) A scarf is such a small item that even if he doesn't appreciate it, you didn't waste a lot of time on it. And it's a useful gift - many men I know don't even like sweaters. But they love scarves...especially soft ones like cashmere!

And for those who believe the curse, I have this to say: When I first learned to knit, I decided my first project would be a ribbed scarf for my boyfriend. Not being the most talented knitter, it took me three years to finish the scarf. He never once complained, and he even discovered that the reason I knit so slowly was because I was holding the yarn the wrong way (I knit continental style).

2 completed scarves and 3 sweaters later, we were married

Nicole



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sallyjo
Permanent Resident

USA
2401 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  5:23:54 PM  Show Profile Send sallyjo a Private Message
Remember the episode of Cheers where Diane gave Sam the scarf, and he whined about how he just got a stupid scarf, and she explained that she'd learned to spin to spin the yarn for it, and learned to dye to get just the perfect color, and learned (ok, to weave) to make the scarf, and he called it just a stupid scarf?
Just an aside.

"as if God had shrugged his shoulders (and) presently our civilization will once again belong to the misshapen, the moonstruck, and the damned" Woolcott Gibbs
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Wen
Permanent Resident

Australia
3244 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  6:44:48 PM  Show Profile  Visit Wen's Homepage Send Wen a Private Message
DH received his first scarf just before the wedding, he now has 2 and a jumper on the way.

The curse is just men being scared of commitment...'if you care enough to make a gift yourself you must be serious' is what they are thinking so they run away.

Wen

2004 stats: 23 FO, 7 WIP, 5 frogpond.
http://photos.yahoo.com/whdayus
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Atavistic
Permanent Resident

6604 Posts

Posted - 12/21/2004 :  8:08:02 PM  Show Profile  Visit Atavistic's Homepage Send Atavistic a Private Message
I told my beau--when we'd been dating about two weeks and he was having dinner at my place and thus saw an Elann order that I'd rec'd--that I wouldn't knit anything for him due to the sweater curse.

Weeks later I found out that every ex-girlfriend who's knit has knit something for him (hats, usually). He said, not putting on pressure, but being cute, that if I didn't knit for him I'd be the only girlfriend who knit that he'd had that didn't for him. I said, "Uh huh, that's why they're your exes."

He did very cautiously and very sweetly ask me to darn a sweater for him after we'd been dating for about 3 months. It is his favorite sweater, a 13 year old JCrew lambswool raglan in forest green. Considering that this man (who was emancipated at 15) had never asked me for jack, I agreed and unpicked yarn from the hems of the sleeves to darn it. He wears it and loves it, but just yesterday I frowned at a darn in the center of his chest. He said, "Amanda! Quit it! You fixed it and I appreciate it!"

Also, he pays enough attention to what I knit to buy me a Lavold book from Elann. Good guy.

Still. No knitting for him.

If you think you're "tempting fate" you probably don't want to give it to him. There's a difference between the "I care enough about this guy that I hope he likes [insert gift here which can be handmade or storebought]" nervous voice and the "I don't know that this guy cares enough about me to respect and appreciate my knitting the way that he should, and I'm not sure that I'm ready to find that out" nervous voice. Which voice is it?

Amanda

“There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches." Ray Bradbury
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Licensed2Cook
Permanent Resident

USA
3554 Posts

Posted - 12/22/2004 :  06:07:29 AM  Show Profile  Send Licensed2Cook a Yahoo! Message Send Licensed2Cook a Private Message
Joelle,

I'd do it even though I had bad results when I sewed a silky kimono and embroidered a tiger on the back of it and then had no boyfriend one week later, and no thank you either! LOL

Just smile to yourself and know that you got the cashmere at a nice employee discount.

Dee
~Licensed2Knit
www.Kneatles.com
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kbshee
Permanent Resident

USA
4152 Posts

Posted - 12/22/2004 :  07:45:59 AM  Show Profile Send kbshee a Private Message
Joelle...life would be boring if we didn't take risks every once in a while. If you think he'd like the scarf, give it to him. Celebrate being together now.



kim in oregon
http://kbshee.blogspot.com
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e_looped
Seriously Hooked

USA
712 Posts

Posted - 12/22/2004 :  1:06:28 PM  Show Profile  Visit e_looped's Homepage Send e_looped a Private Message
I never knit a boyfriend a scarf. But I did tempt fate with a hat for the husband when he was a boyfriend. I told him early on in the relationship about the curse of the love sweater and he thought it was funny, then he said he wouldn't expect anything the required that much work. We've been married three months and he still hasn't received a sweater. I'm working on a pair of socks for him, which he calls the "most wonderful socks in the world."

I decided after a breakup with a former boyfriend that there were not going to be any sweaters knit for boyfriends. I knit a sweater for my boyfriend at the time about 9 months into our relationship. Life was great for another 2 1/2 years. Then during our breakup the sweater became a major issue of contention. First I wanted it back, then I didn't want it back and he told me he WOULD give it back. Then he decided to sent it back to me (2 years after our breakup), I didn't want it - I had made it for him at a certain point in my life and there was no way that I was going to give it to my fiancé (now husband). So after having it for a year, it felt weird to even have it, so I sent it back to him. I have photos of the sweater and that's all that matters to me.

If the guy is worth giving the scarf to, you won't question whether or not you should give it to him. So I second, third and fourth what everyone else has said and give it to your dad! He'll appreciate it much more.

erica :)
http://erica-lee.org/crafts.html
blog:http://erica-lee.org/knit/blog/archive.html
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RoseByAny
Permanent Resident

USA
12598 Posts

Posted - 12/22/2004 :  1:19:52 PM  Show Profile  Visit RoseByAny's Homepage Send RoseByAny a Private Message
When I told then-boyfriend-Ken about the curse, he immediately said "then don't knit for me, I don't want to jinx anything."

Again, it's not whether or not the curse is accurate, but whether or not you're questioning things!

"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
http://RoseByAny.BlogSpot.Com
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Lissa
Permanent Resident

USA
4942 Posts

Posted - 12/22/2004 :  5:02:35 PM  Show Profile  Visit Lissa's Homepage Send Lissa a Private Message
Joelle, It's TWUE, it's TWUE! (bad Young Frankenstein reference...) I knit my (ex)boyfriend a gorgeous alapaca scarf - deep green, with the first cable I ever knit in it. Within 2 weeks - POOF! GONE!

Lissa

Hey - I MEANT to do that!
Oh, and I now have a blog:http://knittnlissa.typepad.com/knittnlissa/
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ladyknight90
New Pal

USA
22 Posts

Posted - 12/23/2004 :  07:28:35 AM  Show Profile Send ladyknight90 a Private Message
Hate to throw snow on your Christmas glee. . . But I knit a scarf for a boyfriend (not even one as nice as cashmere) for his birthday. When he unwraped it, he handed it back to me and informed me that men don't wear scarves. Two weeks later, he was gone, and I gave the scraf to a friend who was tickled.

I don't think the scarf had anything to do with him dumping me, but if you are uncertain about the relationship, and would only later resent the fact that your gorgeous cahmere was keeping his neck warm instead of strangling him, then give it to your father.

If, on the other hand, the realtionship is solid, then tell him to think of you every time he ventures outside in winter.
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aulanov
New Pal

USA
1 Posts

Posted - 12/23/2004 :  07:58:39 AM  Show Profile Send aulanov a Private Message
I hadn't thought of this in ages!! Thanks for reminding me, sort of. When I was 12, I knitted a black cardigan for a 30-years-old family friend whom I adored. The sweater was beautiful and I even got the buttonhole band right, but it was beyond too big - although he was very nice about it. During college, I made sweaters for boyfriends, at first because I hadn't heard of the curse and then because I kept thinking it was ridiculous, but all the relationships, without exception, ended badly. Then, at 19, I married the aforementioned family friend, thus thinking I triumphed over the curse. But, never fear, the gods of the curse of the love sweater were working their clever little magic and six years later we were divorced. So: beware of knitting for romantic interests! (I never tried scarves but I'm guessing it's the act of knitting, thereby expecting good things and/or entwining yourselves, that does the trick.)

But I have two related questions: (1) does crocheting carry the same curse? and (2) how come the curse doesn't seem to have any effect on existing family members such as children and parents??!

HAPPY KNITTING!! and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Anne U.
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Laxmom4x
Gabber Extraordinaire

527 Posts

Posted - 12/23/2004 :  08:22:30 AM  Show Profile Send Laxmom4x a Private Message
Funny you should ask. The topic came up at my house this AM. I made a scarf for Christmas for my boyfriend 30 years ago. We've been married for 29!



Janet
"Change is inevitable except from a vending machine"
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PattiG
Permanent Resident

1119 Posts

Posted - 12/23/2004 :  09:13:23 AM  Show Profile Send PattiG a Private Message
I think the biggest question is "Do I expect to be with this guy next Christmas?" If the answer is yes, and there are signs of a serious relationship to support it, I'd say go right ahead with the scarf. If you're just "dating" and you have no idea what he wants out of the relationship and where you want it to go, then resist the temptation to give him something handmade. It may convey an unintended message of: "I expect a ring on my finger on Valentine's Day."

Gift giving in a dating relationship can be sticky. My husband learned over the past eight years that I respond to thoughtful gifts that indicate he is paying attention to the little details in my life. But the early gifts... well ... let's just say I'm glad I kept him around anyway. I did make him a sweater eventually. I don't remember if we were engaged or married, but he still wears it.

Another thought, Joelle, is that since you own a yarn store and are in the yarn business, I think you are a little safer in this territory. It may not be such a "loaded" gift, because it is what you do for a living.

I'm sure it's a beautiful scarf!

PattiG
Atlanta
http://redvelvetcake.typepad.com
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a_pagniello@yahoo.ca


Posts

Posted - 12/23/2004 :  10:05:18 AM  Show Profile Send a_pagniello@yahoo.ca a Private Message

hi everyone, i'm fairly new to the knitting world and am wondering what this 'curse' is all about??? pls inform
Ange
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